Little Did He Know

"I can't do this anymore." Her voice cracked like a mirror. Unwillingly exposing a glimpse of the truth; her fears and pain slip through her stitched up, aching heart. Walking out into the frozen rain, running out of his life, she felt numb. It’s easier this way. She pulled up her black hood, not only shielding her body from the harsh weather outside but shielding her heart from more damage. She felt r a w. Not from the stone-like rain piercing her bare legs but from the anguish coursing through her body, striking her heart with its sharpest, deadliest knife. Her mind screams, demanding her heart to not let him in and walk away for good. Commanding her to stop thinking. Stop thinking about their carefree nights hiding away from the realities of life; to forget how easy being in his arms felt, as if she wasn’t meant to be anywhere else. Drown out the three words she so desperately wanted to hear right now. I l o v e y o u. Her body screeches at her, willing her to trust her instincts; run right back into those arms that made her feel secure and wanted. Silently pleading and begging he run after her but she doesn’t dare turn around. Not even caring to hold her head up high, she gives up and lets it fall. Wanting so badly to curl up in the middle of the sidewalk, using the full moon above as her night-light. With wobbly knees and shaking legs, she keeps pushing her torn up heart down the never-ending street. Too soon, the hurt is unleashed in the form of her warm tears stinging her cold, decrepit eyes. Unable to tell what is from her shattered heart or from the rain cascading around her, she wants it all to stop. But they are unforgiving and like the storm around her—unstoppable. Clenching her fists till her knuckles turn white, she wants to be mad, to be angry he didn’t fight for her to stay. Yet all she feels is r e g r e t and torment. It’s meant to be this way. Walking away was meant to be easier. She’s always had to hurt before being hurt. She wasn’t ever meant to let him through the impenetrable, rigid fortress she formed around her heart since day one. But the more time they spent together, the ice began to melt and he wielded away at that safeguard until she finally broke. But once that happened, she realized she had to end it. Hurt before being hurt. Earlier that day she made up her mind; she had to end her happiness to avoid it being fractured by him in the end. Because isn’t that how it is always is? She is left in the end. Looking up at that full moon, painfully jealous it is whole and not falling apart like her heart is, she feels warmth descend from the rain. The once hard and detrimental hail feels as though a light midst upon her freckled nose, just barely touching her makeup-free, pale complexion. The aching in her heart weighs too much for the rain to hurt her anymore. Reaching the end of the street, she thinks she has solved her fear of abandonment once again. Foolishly hoping it would calm the war between her mind and heart.

Little did she know, he broke at the sight of her walking away, as if it meant nothing to her. Little did he know, she would be haunted by their memories and broke her own heart before he ever could.