Thinking Out Loud

Every night is the same. I drag myself out of my bed to turn my off the startling lights. I put my damp, long, wavy brown hair into a messy bun. Settling into my cozy bed, I pull up my white and purple floral comforter. Stupidly thinking so maybe I can get some sleep tonight. But it’s always the same, isn’t it? Every self deteriorating thought pounds over and over, your unspoken words claw at your mind begging to be let out, but no words are ever heard. You want to start screaming your frustrations, to start trusting that someone and letting them break your wall. You want to start showing a sign of life in that glass shattered heart of yours but instead, silent tears slip out, staining your freckled cheeks in the darkness. You cuddle closer to the night for warmth, feeling the only sense of comfort in the shadows; where you can finally escape and imagine an alternate reality. But that’s the problem, isn't it? Imagination can only last so long. You can run only for so long. Because when the sun rises, it all begins again. That dreaded reality settles in. You feel guilty for having those thoughts and paint on your smile to pretend just one more time you think this will be the last. And only in the silence of your heart will you ever admit how much it hurts to think.