A Changed Man

Chapter 1

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Walking along the dusty, beaten path she looked over her shoulder, feeling the presence of one unwanted. Nearing the bus stop just right ahead she picked up the pace; they were catching up—only it wasn’t multiple people, it was the man of nightmares. Don’t look back, almost there playing over and over in her mind. Guilt ridden and terrified she had to keep going, there was no turning back, unless she didn't want to live. Finally reaching the stop, a sense of relieve washed over. But soon after, she heard the footsteps approaching. Turning around was the first mistake. Second was not moving. Frozen in fear, staring at her once beloved and caring husband reaching for his waist belt, she knew what was next. Without thinking she stood there, wanting to move with all her mind, but her feet wouldn't follow through. Before the blink of an eye, he makes a sharp movement and she sees the object. Still cemented to the ground, she can’t comprehend what he is saying, until the first gun shot is fired. Everything goes black, noise is muted and she feels a little warm all over. Not wanting it to end like this she stumbles, wanting more for herself, for her now gone baby girl she tries to keep breathing. Slipping in and out of consciousness she can’t form the words, help me, her vision is getting blurrier by the second and then it hits her. They say right before you die you witness your life, all your memories kept under lock and key; sometimes for the better. She sees her mom and dad laughing after her sixth birthday party, playing soccer with her sister, her first kiss with the boy on spring break, graduation from Georgetown, to that final night in the hospital with her dad. Hearing the heart monitor come to a flat line and the ventilator shut down, she said her last words but couldn't let go. Please come back, I need you. Only he didn't come back. Talking about what happened became a hopeless topic of conversation; her heart retreated and the cold stone walls came up, consistently refusing to let anyone in. That is until he came along, her untarnished wish for a man; with his perfectly disheveled hair, dark brown eyes and a smile that could kill, he was the one who made her feel loved, comfortable, and most importantly safe because she knew he wouldn't leave her. Starting with their first date to the time when he proposed, their memorable wedding, honeymoon, the first ultrasound, to finding out she was having a baby girl; that’s when she forgets to breathe. Tears slowing streaking down her face, blinding her delicate blue eyes, sticking her sun kissed dirty blonde hair to the rosy red cheeks due to the dropping temperatures. She couldn't remember what had set him off the first time but the after effects were unimaginable. How many times was she kicked in the stomach before she passed out? No recollection. Losing the baby, that’s what stole a piece of her heart. The one ounce of hope and happiness she had in her life since she was isolated from society by him. That should have been the red flag but she refused to believe. Puking up blood, stitching her sliced up skin from the punches, and trashing her blood soaked clothes, was not what she envisioned for a night after parenting class. He distinctly told her never go to the hospital to avoid questions, and she listened. Giving birth to a lifeless stillborn baby, her baby, holding the child’s fragile breathless body in her blood streaked hands from tending to the gash in her head and the once pale now purple and black stomach was the hardest moment in her life. His reaction to her crying— a black eye for caring too much about a “worthless dead thing.” What changed him? Staring out into the cold, barren winter night the last bit of color and motivation to keep her going drained away. There was no point to keep going when it’s inevitable. He won. She fell to the ground, staining the pure white snow with her rose red blood. Hearing the faint sirens of the ambulance, the flashing lights forming a hazy image of the red, blue, white lights; everything begins to fade…